Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Blog #12
The strengths of the scene that I wrote were the action sequences. They were very clear and easy to follow as well as desciptive enough for the reader to be able to visualize the scene as it was happening. The whole point of using the scene that I did was to examplify the action sequences of my script. The weaknesses of my script was the dialogue somewhat because it was broken up by the action it sometimes did not flow as well as it could have. However, the script is still a rough draught so the fact that there are still a lot of mistakes with it does not suprise me. I would probably go back through the script and make sure that the grammar and spelling are all correct. I would probably also change some of the dialogue to make the conversation flow a little better.
Friday, April 27, 2012
Blog #11 Action and Description
EXT. THE ROBBERS ARE LEAVING THE BANK- DAY
MR. GREEN pulls up to the front entrance of the BANK in a GREEN CAMARO. MR. WHITE, MR. BLUE, and MR. BROWN exit the BANK.
MR. GREEN
Get the fuck in the car!
MR. WHITE and MR. BROWN help MR. BLUE into the car and throw the bags of MONEY in the trunk of the CAR.
MR. WHITE
Everybody move, we're done here. Let's go!
MR. BLUE
Where's Mr. Pink? He's still inside the bank!
MR. BROWN moves around the CAR and re-enters the BANK.
MR. BROWN moves around the CAR and re-enters the BANK.
MR. BROWN
I'll get him.
MR. WHITE is now in the passenger seat of the CAR.
MR. WHITE is now in the passenger seat of the CAR.
MR. WHITE
If you leave know you're on your own, you realize that.
MR. BROWN
I can manage on my own.
MR. WHITE
Meet us at the apartment complex.
MR. BLUE
Fuck him we gotta get moving.
MR. WHITE
Hit it!
The CAR burns out and speeds away just as the POLICE are arriving on the scene.
The CAR burns out and speeds away just as the POLICE are arriving on the scene.
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
Blog #10 Dialogue: Moving the Story Forward
MR. GREEN: Get the fuck in the car!
MR. WHITE: Everybody move, we're done here. Let's go!
MR. BLUE: Where's Mr. Pink? He's still inside the bank!
MR. BROWN: I'll get him.
MR. WHITE: If you leave know you're on your own, you realize that.
MR. BROWN: I can manage on my own.
MR. WHITE: Meet us at the apartment complex.
MR. BLUE: Fuck him we gotta get moving.
MR. WHITE: Hit it!
MR. WHITE: Everybody move, we're done here. Let's go!
MR. BLUE: Where's Mr. Pink? He's still inside the bank!
MR. BROWN: I'll get him.
MR. WHITE: If you leave know you're on your own, you realize that.
MR. BROWN: I can manage on my own.
MR. WHITE: Meet us at the apartment complex.
MR. BLUE: Fuck him we gotta get moving.
MR. WHITE: Hit it!
Blog #9 Dialogue Relationship
Vladmir: Come in, come in my friend. Take a seat.
Lawrence: You should find a better places to hide than behind small coffee shops. Your office could stand be a little larger, especially becuase you seem to be expanding.
Vladmir: You're right I am expanding my business. I've started to design jobs for the Koreans.
Lawrence: I wasn't talking about your business actually. (Laughs)
Vladmir: (Laughs) It is good to see you again my friend, it has been too long.
Lawrence: You should find a better places to hide than behind small coffee shops. Your office could stand be a little larger, especially becuase you seem to be expanding.
Vladmir: You're right I am expanding my business. I've started to design jobs for the Koreans.
Lawrence: I wasn't talking about your business actually. (Laughs)
Vladmir: (Laughs) It is good to see you again my friend, it has been too long.
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Blog #8 Writing effective dialogue
1.) Dialogue is not a speech or product of speech. Dialogue is the interactions between two or more people and is the embodiment of expression towards other characters.
2.) Dialogue is the action of the script. It is the portion of writing that allows the viewers to feel what the characters feel and understand every emotion that they go through.
3.) Dialogue is the rhythm of a script and gives life a more dramatic flare that captivates the audience.
2.) Dialogue is the action of the script. It is the portion of writing that allows the viewers to feel what the characters feel and understand every emotion that they go through.
3.) Dialogue is the rhythm of a script and gives life a more dramatic flare that captivates the audience.
Monday, April 23, 2012
Blog #7
Opening Scene:
Rushing along the beach, on the edge of the waves from the ocean as they gently run up and down the smooth, wet sand. Night is falling over the landscape and the moon gives enough light for the night loving people to come out. Flashing to several different buildings and structures where signs are being put up saying that the stores are closing for the day. The last flash is a bank. We move beneath the bank to the vault where they are going through the process of stashing away the days deposits and earnings in the main vault area. A man with keys and a sidearm on his belt is walking down a hall way pushing a small metal box on wheels that has several locks and a chain link with a handcuff on the end of it which is clasped around the mans wrist. He comes to the vault door where there are two men waiting to open the vault door for him. First they both remove keys from their belts. They insert the keys into key holes next to hand scanners on the wall. Then, simultaneously they turn the keys and place their hands on the scanners. The scanners read their hands and approve of their prints. From here they will then punch in a 9 digit code into a small key pad on the vault door. Inside the vault door, metal beams begin to slide and separate from the slots in the wall. The man with the cart steps inside and places the cart directly in the middle of the vaults chamber. He removes the keys from his belt and locks each of the wheels into place on metal clasps that come up from the floor. He exits the chamber and and the vault closes behind him as he exits. Movie Title and end of credits.
The Set Up:
The sun rises over the crashing waves of the ocean, the boardwalk begins to flood with people and the pier comes alive with commerce and human interaction. Lawrence is seen walking down the boardwalk in a gray suit and carrying his hat in his hand. He stops to look at something a vendor has out on display. Small children playing with sticks pretending to be pirates attempt to hold him up and ask for his loot. He reveals two peppermint paddies, surprising them for actually having gotten something, sending them on their way and continuing his on to his destination for the day. Off of South Weston Street there is a small coffee shop that serves lunch and bakery items, as well as coffee. He takes a seat at the counter on one of the bar stools and orders his favorite drink, a machiatto with whipped cream, cinnamon and chocolate shavings. Not long after that he is visited by a very dark Jamaican man who whispers something in his ear. He moves from his stool, bringing his coffee with him, following the man into a storage room with crates of coffee beans stacked all the way up to the ceiling on one wall of the room. The Jamaican man leaves and the crates move inward and slide open to a hidden room. He steps inside and is greeted by a fat Russian man named Vladmir Gruvcanski, the "Don" if you will.
The Inciting Incident:
The master plan involved 5 men to carry out specific and important jobs in order successfully rob the bank. Each man had a unique skill which gave the team the greatest advantages over the bank and law enforcement. Mr. Blue is the one who is skilled with suppressed explosives and safes. He is also one of the gunman who was responsible for holding up the bank. Mr. Pink and Mr. Brown were simply there to be gunman as well but he was responsible for cutting the wires to the silent alarm and removing any security camera equipment and recording devices. Next there was the driver, Mr. Green. He was responsible for finding some sweet wheels to make the escape in. Lastly there was Mr. White, the brains of the job. Lawrence was using Mr. White as his codename. He was the one who was going to be retrieving the money from the vault as well as the the South African diamonds that were being stored in a security box in the main vault chamber underneath the bank. Unbeknownst to the other robbers, Mr. White had already arranged for the vault to be emptied the night prior to the robbery. He used various tools and equipment, some of it hand made, to dig beneath the bank after hours and emptied the vault of all cash and precious gems of any kind.
The Rising Action:
Mr. Pink gets away from the police after having shot three officers and one civilian. In a stolen car he makes his escape to safety with one of the safe deposit bags from the bank. Unfortunately for him, the safe deposit bags only carry a maximum of $5,000 cash and today the only safe deposit that was made was around $3,278. Mr. Pink vows his revenge on finding Mr. White and making him pay for screwing over everyone else on the job. Mr. Pink has connections with people who are more than willing to get their hands dirty for a friend, if the price is right. The thugs arrive and surround a compound where Lawrence is holding up with a group of his trusted associates from the Russian Mob.
The Big Decision:
Lawrence is confronted with some extremely upsetting news when he meets with Vladmir Gruvcanksi. Vlad explains to Lawrence that Mr. Pink had come to him the day before and plans to kill him and take the money that he worked to get. Mr. Pink also told Vlad to give Lawrence a warning; He knows his real name as well as the names of Mr. Blue and Mr. Green and he was going to kill all of them one by one in order to get revenge for having lost everything because of them. It is at this point that Lawrence knows exactly what it is that he must do.
Rushing along the beach, on the edge of the waves from the ocean as they gently run up and down the smooth, wet sand. Night is falling over the landscape and the moon gives enough light for the night loving people to come out. Flashing to several different buildings and structures where signs are being put up saying that the stores are closing for the day. The last flash is a bank. We move beneath the bank to the vault where they are going through the process of stashing away the days deposits and earnings in the main vault area. A man with keys and a sidearm on his belt is walking down a hall way pushing a small metal box on wheels that has several locks and a chain link with a handcuff on the end of it which is clasped around the mans wrist. He comes to the vault door where there are two men waiting to open the vault door for him. First they both remove keys from their belts. They insert the keys into key holes next to hand scanners on the wall. Then, simultaneously they turn the keys and place their hands on the scanners. The scanners read their hands and approve of their prints. From here they will then punch in a 9 digit code into a small key pad on the vault door. Inside the vault door, metal beams begin to slide and separate from the slots in the wall. The man with the cart steps inside and places the cart directly in the middle of the vaults chamber. He removes the keys from his belt and locks each of the wheels into place on metal clasps that come up from the floor. He exits the chamber and and the vault closes behind him as he exits. Movie Title and end of credits.
The Set Up:
The sun rises over the crashing waves of the ocean, the boardwalk begins to flood with people and the pier comes alive with commerce and human interaction. Lawrence is seen walking down the boardwalk in a gray suit and carrying his hat in his hand. He stops to look at something a vendor has out on display. Small children playing with sticks pretending to be pirates attempt to hold him up and ask for his loot. He reveals two peppermint paddies, surprising them for actually having gotten something, sending them on their way and continuing his on to his destination for the day. Off of South Weston Street there is a small coffee shop that serves lunch and bakery items, as well as coffee. He takes a seat at the counter on one of the bar stools and orders his favorite drink, a machiatto with whipped cream, cinnamon and chocolate shavings. Not long after that he is visited by a very dark Jamaican man who whispers something in his ear. He moves from his stool, bringing his coffee with him, following the man into a storage room with crates of coffee beans stacked all the way up to the ceiling on one wall of the room. The Jamaican man leaves and the crates move inward and slide open to a hidden room. He steps inside and is greeted by a fat Russian man named Vladmir Gruvcanski, the "Don" if you will.
The Inciting Incident:
The master plan involved 5 men to carry out specific and important jobs in order successfully rob the bank. Each man had a unique skill which gave the team the greatest advantages over the bank and law enforcement. Mr. Blue is the one who is skilled with suppressed explosives and safes. He is also one of the gunman who was responsible for holding up the bank. Mr. Pink and Mr. Brown were simply there to be gunman as well but he was responsible for cutting the wires to the silent alarm and removing any security camera equipment and recording devices. Next there was the driver, Mr. Green. He was responsible for finding some sweet wheels to make the escape in. Lastly there was Mr. White, the brains of the job. Lawrence was using Mr. White as his codename. He was the one who was going to be retrieving the money from the vault as well as the the South African diamonds that were being stored in a security box in the main vault chamber underneath the bank. Unbeknownst to the other robbers, Mr. White had already arranged for the vault to be emptied the night prior to the robbery. He used various tools and equipment, some of it hand made, to dig beneath the bank after hours and emptied the vault of all cash and precious gems of any kind.
The Rising Action:
Mr. Pink gets away from the police after having shot three officers and one civilian. In a stolen car he makes his escape to safety with one of the safe deposit bags from the bank. Unfortunately for him, the safe deposit bags only carry a maximum of $5,000 cash and today the only safe deposit that was made was around $3,278. Mr. Pink vows his revenge on finding Mr. White and making him pay for screwing over everyone else on the job. Mr. Pink has connections with people who are more than willing to get their hands dirty for a friend, if the price is right. The thugs arrive and surround a compound where Lawrence is holding up with a group of his trusted associates from the Russian Mob.
The Big Decision:
Lawrence is confronted with some extremely upsetting news when he meets with Vladmir Gruvcanksi. Vlad explains to Lawrence that Mr. Pink had come to him the day before and plans to kill him and take the money that he worked to get. Mr. Pink also told Vlad to give Lawrence a warning; He knows his real name as well as the names of Mr. Blue and Mr. Green and he was going to kill all of them one by one in order to get revenge for having lost everything because of them. It is at this point that Lawrence knows exactly what it is that he must do.
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Blog #6 Plot Outline
The Set Up:
The sun rises over the crashing waves of the ocean, the boardwalk begins to flood with people and the pier comes alive with commerce and human interaction. Lawrence is seen walking down the boardwalk in a gray suit and carrying his hat in his hand. He stops to look at something a vender has out on display. Small children playing with sticks pretending to be pirates attempt to hold him up and ask for his loot. He reveals two peppermint paddies, suprising them for actually having gotten something, sending them on their way and continuing his on to his destination for the day. Off of South Weston Street there is a small coffee shop that serves lunch and bakery items, as well as coffee. He takes a seat at the counter on one of the bar stools and orders his favorite drink, a machiatto with whipped cream, cinammon and chocolate shavings. Not long after that he is visited by a very dark Jamaican man who whispers something in his ear. He moves from his stool, bringing his coffee with him, following the man into a storage room with crates of coffee beans stacked all the way up to the ceiling on one wall of the room. The Jamaican man leaves and the crates move inward and slide open to a hidden room. He steps inside and is greeted by a fat Russian man named Vladmir Gruvcanski, the "Don" if you will.
The Inciting Incident:
The master plan involved 5 men to carry out specific and important jobs in order successfully rob the bank. Each man had a unique skill which gave the team the greatest advantages over the bank and law enforcement. Mr. Blue is the one who is skilled with suppressed explosives and safes. He is also one of the gunman who was responsible for holding up the bank. Mr. Pink and Mr. Brown were simply there to be gunman as well but he was responsible for cutting the wires to the silent alarm and removing any security camera equipment and recording devices. Next there was the driver, Mr. Green. He was responsible for finding some sweet wheels to make the escape in. Lastly there was Mr. White, the brains of the job. Lawrence was using Mr. White as his codename. He was the one who was going to be retrieving the money from the vault as well as the the South African diamonds that were being stored in a security box in the main vault chamber underneath the bank. Unbeknownst to the other robbers, Mr. White had already arranged for the vault to be emptied the night prior to the robbery. He used various tools and equipment, some of it hand made, to dig beneath the bank after hours and emptied the vault of all cash and precious gems of any kind.
The Rising Action:
Mr. Pink gets away from the police after having shot three officers and one civilian. In a stolen car he makes his escape to safety with one of the safe deposit bags from the bank. Unfortunately for him, the safe deposit bags only carry a maximum of $5,000 cash and today the only safe deposit that was made was around $3,278. Mr. Pink vows his revenge on finding Mr. White and making him pay for screwing over everyone else on the job. Mr. Pink has connections with people who are more than willing to get their hands dirty for a friend, if the price is right. The thugs arrive and surround a compound where Lawrence is holding up with a group of his trusted associates from the Russian Mob.
The Climax:
Lawrence and Mr. Pink meet for the last time at a club and it is man v.s. man with automatic weapons, pistols, swords, and then ridiculously cool looking ninja weapons. Lawrence has already suffered a bullet wound to the left shoulder and several lacerations from various blade weaponry during his quarrel with Mr. Pink. Mr. Pink has escaped for now though he is severely injured having been stabbed, and cut badly. His rescuer was his trusted right hand man Mr. Brown.
The Falling Action:
As Mr. Brown speeds away in a Lamborghini Murcielago, Mr. White runs to his Maserati Granturismo and dodges through traffic to catch up to him. Mr. White having planned ahead reaches into the glovebox of his car and removes a Glock 18 automatic pistol and takes out the tires of the Lamborghini. He lights Mr. Brown up as he steps out of the wreck that his car is now reduced to. Mr. Pink has a broken arm and leg and is immobile. Lawrence drags Mr. Pink from the car and sets him down on his knees and puts a bullet between his eyes. Lawrence drives to a hospital and gets cleaned up. He then heads home.
The Resolution:
Lawrence arrives back to his home and walks inside. He walks around his house checking the status of the rooms and the equipment in his home. He comes to his living room to find two men sitting in his lounge chairs. They stand up and turn around to greet Lawrence. End Scene.
The sun rises over the crashing waves of the ocean, the boardwalk begins to flood with people and the pier comes alive with commerce and human interaction. Lawrence is seen walking down the boardwalk in a gray suit and carrying his hat in his hand. He stops to look at something a vender has out on display. Small children playing with sticks pretending to be pirates attempt to hold him up and ask for his loot. He reveals two peppermint paddies, suprising them for actually having gotten something, sending them on their way and continuing his on to his destination for the day. Off of South Weston Street there is a small coffee shop that serves lunch and bakery items, as well as coffee. He takes a seat at the counter on one of the bar stools and orders his favorite drink, a machiatto with whipped cream, cinammon and chocolate shavings. Not long after that he is visited by a very dark Jamaican man who whispers something in his ear. He moves from his stool, bringing his coffee with him, following the man into a storage room with crates of coffee beans stacked all the way up to the ceiling on one wall of the room. The Jamaican man leaves and the crates move inward and slide open to a hidden room. He steps inside and is greeted by a fat Russian man named Vladmir Gruvcanski, the "Don" if you will.
The Inciting Incident:
The master plan involved 5 men to carry out specific and important jobs in order successfully rob the bank. Each man had a unique skill which gave the team the greatest advantages over the bank and law enforcement. Mr. Blue is the one who is skilled with suppressed explosives and safes. He is also one of the gunman who was responsible for holding up the bank. Mr. Pink and Mr. Brown were simply there to be gunman as well but he was responsible for cutting the wires to the silent alarm and removing any security camera equipment and recording devices. Next there was the driver, Mr. Green. He was responsible for finding some sweet wheels to make the escape in. Lastly there was Mr. White, the brains of the job. Lawrence was using Mr. White as his codename. He was the one who was going to be retrieving the money from the vault as well as the the South African diamonds that were being stored in a security box in the main vault chamber underneath the bank. Unbeknownst to the other robbers, Mr. White had already arranged for the vault to be emptied the night prior to the robbery. He used various tools and equipment, some of it hand made, to dig beneath the bank after hours and emptied the vault of all cash and precious gems of any kind.
The Rising Action:
Mr. Pink gets away from the police after having shot three officers and one civilian. In a stolen car he makes his escape to safety with one of the safe deposit bags from the bank. Unfortunately for him, the safe deposit bags only carry a maximum of $5,000 cash and today the only safe deposit that was made was around $3,278. Mr. Pink vows his revenge on finding Mr. White and making him pay for screwing over everyone else on the job. Mr. Pink has connections with people who are more than willing to get their hands dirty for a friend, if the price is right. The thugs arrive and surround a compound where Lawrence is holding up with a group of his trusted associates from the Russian Mob.
The Climax:
Lawrence and Mr. Pink meet for the last time at a club and it is man v.s. man with automatic weapons, pistols, swords, and then ridiculously cool looking ninja weapons. Lawrence has already suffered a bullet wound to the left shoulder and several lacerations from various blade weaponry during his quarrel with Mr. Pink. Mr. Pink has escaped for now though he is severely injured having been stabbed, and cut badly. His rescuer was his trusted right hand man Mr. Brown.
The Falling Action:
As Mr. Brown speeds away in a Lamborghini Murcielago, Mr. White runs to his Maserati Granturismo and dodges through traffic to catch up to him. Mr. White having planned ahead reaches into the glovebox of his car and removes a Glock 18 automatic pistol and takes out the tires of the Lamborghini. He lights Mr. Brown up as he steps out of the wreck that his car is now reduced to. Mr. Pink has a broken arm and leg and is immobile. Lawrence drags Mr. Pink from the car and sets him down on his knees and puts a bullet between his eyes. Lawrence drives to a hospital and gets cleaned up. He then heads home.
The Resolution:
Lawrence arrives back to his home and walks inside. He walks around his house checking the status of the rooms and the equipment in his home. He comes to his living room to find two men sitting in his lounge chairs. They stand up and turn around to greet Lawrence. End Scene.
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